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5.3.18 Later Life Letters

AMENDMENT

In October 2018, this procedure was re-written to reflect Cambridgeshire local guidance and practice and should be re-read in its entirety.


Contents

  1. Introduction
  2. Purpose
  3. Key Contents
  4. Example Letter


1. Introduction

Later Life Letters are written by the child's social worker in conjunction with the adopters and their social worker. They are given to the adopters to share with the child at a later date and must be provided no later than 10 working days after the adoption ceremony (the celebration of the making of the Adoption Order). The precise timing of the passing of the letter to the child will be discussed with adopters during the placement planning stage though is ultimately at their discretion.

Useful guidance is also available in 'Writing a later Life Letter', a CoramBAAF good practice guide. This should be readily accessible to the adoption social worker who will share it with the social worker.


2. Purpose

The Later Life Letter gives the child an explanation of why they were adopted and the reasons and actions that led to this decision. It should include, wherever possible, the names and roles of the key people involved in this decision, and the facts as understood at that time. It is important to be aware of the emotional context of such important decisions which should be sensitively reflected in the letter, although the emphasis should be on a clear and unambiguous presentation of the facts.

The child is the focus of the letter and it must be remembered when writing that the child has a need (and a right) to know why they were adopted. This is important information and it must be a true account of the process.

If birth parents were involved in the choice of adoptive parents, the letter should include reasons why they favoured the adopters. This may seem simplistic - e.g. "they live in the country"- but it needs to be stated. In contested situations this information may not be available. If the birth parent expressed any wishes about the choice of adoptive parents these should be included, e.g. would like him/her to have a sibling.

It is important to keep in mind the age at which it is anticipated the child will receive this information and write it to the child at that age. Most commonly, the child sees the letter around the age of 10-12 years, but the decision on timing would be at the discretion of their adoptive parents. In very difficult situations (e.g. incest, mental health problems, abuse) it may be more appropriate to write two letters. The second one should be written for when the child is, say, in their mid-teens, and more able to understand more sensitive aspects of their history.

It is essential that the child's history is understood by the adopters and that they understand the background to what is outlined in the letter. It is good practice to involve them in drafting the letter.

The letter is in addition to the child's Life Story Book and not a substitute for it - see Life Story Work Guidance.

Useful information may be lost if not gathered at the earliest opportunity. Experience shows that adult adoptees are eager for information, even if it is painful.

The letter can ideally be personalised by the social worker who knew the birth parents and the child at the time of the placement. The author should consider what information an adopted adult would want to know and, if they had the chance, what they would ask their social worker, birth parents, etc.

The information could be in the form of a letter or letters, a book or a folder.

It is a good idea to write the letter in sections, for instance the legal situation could be separate from the more personal information. Initially adopters and the adopted child will need a simple explanation to share with the family and friends which can then be built up into the full and true story of events. As stated earlier, in very complex situations it is a good idea to have two letters.

The social worker must ensure that the adopters are confident about the letter(s). When telling the story, it is important to be positive as well as being sensitive and proportionate about negative issues/events. It is important to understand that possible negative issues around the events leading up to a child's birth and subsequent placement may not necessarily reflect the adopters' views of the situation. The adopters have to tell this story, and there needs to be a balance of views. The adopters will be passing on the information, so it is important to involve them.

The letter should explain how contact arrangements were arrived at and whether it is "face to face" or Post Box. The child needs to know if/that birth parents and other relatives want to hear about their progress, and that the adoptive parents agreed to the contact arrangements prior to placement.

In the letters, the birth parents should normally be referred to by their first names and the adopters described as 'your parents'.

Brothers and sisters must have separate letters, even when placed together (including twins).

The letter should be dated and signed. A copy must be kept on the child's file and in their adoption case record. The social worker must ensure it is provided to the adopters or their social worker no later than 10 days after the adoption ceremony. Adopters must be assisted to understand their responsibilities in sharing the information with the child at a later date, and that the information should be made available to the child at a time the adopters consider is appropriate, but no later than their 18th birthday.

The adopters should be asked for written confirmation of receipt of the letter and their commitment to sharing the information with the child.


3. Key Contents

1. Beginning the Letter

Begin by introducing yourself, stating the length of your involvement with the birth family and child;

If previous social workers and other professionals (eg IRO) had significant involvement, give their names, and when and why they were involved;

Acknowledge that the child's adoptive parents are aware of the contents of the letter, and state that if the child does not understand something or has any other questions the adoptive parents will help them.

2. Description of Birth Family Members

Concentrate on those family members who have had the most significant relationships with the child and therefore most relevance to the child's experience. Children can be unnecessarily confused and burdened by information about more distant birth relatives who did not play a significant part in their early life. Details of other family members should have been recorded in the Child Permanence Report or in a genogram or family tree. Information may also have been included in the life story book. The letter can refer to this additional information if appropriate.

Explain the birth family situation at the time you became involved in the case, including where the children were living, the whereabouts and situations of the birth parents and of any siblings;

Describe significant family members:

  • First name;
  • Date and place of birth if known (this can be particularly important for black and minority ethnic children);
  • Age when child was born;
  • Ethnic origin;
  • Physical description, appearance and personality.

Include as much information as possible about birth parents' background and upbringing, education, work, interests and health (see Contents, Health and Wellbeing) and about their relationship. Include as much information as is available about the putative father, including the source of the information and whether or not he accepts paternity. Use the term birth mother/father, rather than simply mother/father, as this may be confused with the adoptive parents;

Where siblings have been placed separately from the child include as much information as possible about their situation (whilst recognising that in some circumstances there will be a need to preserve the confidentiality of the sibling's placement). Where siblings remain with parents, or there is a younger child at home, the reasons for this will need require sensitive explanation.

3. The Child's Birth

Record details of the child's birth:

  • Date of birth and time;
  • Name or hospital/town;
  • Weight, length, head circumference, physical condition;
  • Circumstances around the birth (ante-natal care, type of delivery, concealed pregnancy, birthing partners, etc);
  • Name given by birth parent/s and reasons for this;
  • Time spent in hospital with birth mother; arrangements for leaving.

4. Children's Services involvement

There will already be a chronology which may help structure the events which were key to the child's past. However, the letter should explain such events in a much more personal way to give an overview of the child's early life experience. It should explain the process which began at or before the child's birth, and what was happening to the child whilst events were unfolding (e.g. where the child was living and who was caring for the child);

Include all of the child's moves and changes of care along with information about previous carers and their families which may be significant for the child e.g. names of children, particular holidays they may have enjoyed, names of teachers/schools etc.;

Provide clear explanations of when and why crucial decisions were made, including information about the court process and the role of the Children's Guardian;

Although some birth parents may remain firmly opposed to adoption, many reluctantly accept that this is in their child's best interests. Wherever possible, the letter should explain the birth parents' attitude to adoption, any responsibility they are able to take for the events which have led to this, and their hopes for the child's future, assuming these are supportive of adoption and child centred;

Where final visits were arranged with birth parents or other birth family members provide an account of who was involved, where the visit/s took place, what happened, positive comments made and any gifts given;

Prospective adopters will frequently have a one-off meeting with birth parents before the child is placed. If this occurred, it is important to record the meeting with details of who was involved, when and where it happened, and any positive comments or expressed wishes for the child's future;

This section need not dwell significantly on the time after the child's placement for adoption unless there are major changes in the birth family situation, as the adoptive parents will be able to convey that information themselves.

5. Contact

Whilst contact may prove to be a significant aspect of the child's experience following placement for adoption, there are difficulties in describing arrangements which are proposed at the time the letter is written, but which may have changed considerably by the time it is read. For this reason it is better to deal with contact in a more general way.

For example:

"As your social worker, I felt it would be helpful if (birth mum's name) and your mum and dad wrote to each other once a year through the Letterbox. It is sometimes difficult for people to do this, but your mum and dad will be able to tell you if this has worked out”.

Or

"Birth mum's name said she would like to write to you once you were adopted, but I wasn't sure she would be able to keep this up. She had not always kept her appointments to see you before and although she meant well, couldn't always do what she said she would do. Because of this I thought it would be better for her not to write to you. When you are older you may want to meet (birth mum's name) and your mum and dad will help you to arrange this”.

6. Ending the Letter

Convey your best wishes for the child's future and comment on your own pleasure at being part of the child's life in a simple and balanced way. As far as possible your final greetings should be consistent with the tone of the letter generally. Terms such as “lots of love” or “have a great life” should be avoided.


4. Example Letter

This example suggests a possible approach to writing letters, but is only included as a guide. It is important to be creative and imaginative and individualise each letter.

Dear George,

This is a very special letter for you, and it is called a Life Letter. It is special because it is written to explain why you do not live with your birth mother, Carole, or your birth father, Blake. You will already have been told and learnt from your Life Story book that you did not always live with your mummy, daddy and Drew, so this letter will tell you a bit more of your early history before you were adopted.

Some of what you read in this letter may make you feel sad or cross, but I know that mummy and daddy are there for you, to help you with the information that is difficult to hear. They will do their best to answer any questions you may have, or will help you to find out the answers if they don't know them. They will support you with reading the letter, and they understand how hard this could be for you.

My name is Felicity Fabulous and I am a social worker who works for social services. A social worker is somebody who works with families to help them to try to work through any difficulties they may have and to make sure that children are kept safe in their families. I was your social worker from the 25th June 2015 until you were adopted on the 28th September 2016. I got to know you very well in that time.

In this letter I will try to give you more information about why social services were worried about you even before you were born.

I know you have a Life Story Book about this and it talks about how you came to be adopted and who you lived with before you came to live with mummy and daddy, but this letter will hopefully tell you a bit more about it now that you are older.

I would like to talk about some of your birth family history, so that you may start to understand why you could not live with Carole or Blake.

Carole S, your birth mother, was born on the 31st January 1997 in Sittingbourne, Kent. She has greeny-blue eyes and short light brown wavy hair. Carole is a pretty young woman and is petite in stature. I met Carole lots of times and I liked her very much. Carole did not really have anyone who looked out for her or made sure she was ok. Regardless of this she was mostly happy and friendly, Carole would always smile when she was speaking of you George.

Carole was raised mainly in the Sittingbourne area. Her father is Irish and her mother is from Kent – their names are Sean Smedley and Tanya Ranger. Carole has four brothers – Andrew is 21, Edward is 16, Freddie is 12 and Carl is 8. Sean and Tanya did not get along very well together. From early on when they first met, Sean was quite unkind to Tanya and he would hit her and say mean things to her that made her feel unhappy. They argued and shouted at each other a lot. When Sean got cross he would sometimes hit and hurt Carole and her brothers. It is very wrong when this happens and if the police get to hear about it they know that the law has been broken.

When grown-ups hit and hurt each other it is very frightening for anyone who is there. For children they love both their parents even if they don't like what is happening and it leaves them feeling muddled about what is wrong and right. It is wrong for a daddy to hit a mummy or a mummy to hit a daddy. It means that the grown-up who is so angry that they hit people needs help with their bad temper and must learn to be kind. It can be quite hard for grown-ups to change and so the hurting goes on for a long time. Most grown-ups and mummies and daddies do not hurt each other like this.

Both Sean and Tanya drank lots of alcohol and took drugs that the Doctor didn't give them. Many people drink alcohol but if you drink too much too often it can be a problem. Tanya and Sean drank too much alcohol and sometimes drank it all through the day and in the night times too. Sometimes people get better from alcoholism and stop drinking but they need lots of help and it takes time to know they are really better. It can be very difficult to stop. People often become alcoholics because they are not very happy about things in their lives. Alcohol can at first make them feel happy and relaxed. Too much alcohol is not good for a person or for children around them and all that the person can think about is having more to drink. It can make people loud, angry and clumsy. They can only care about what they want when they are drunk and not what anyone else thinks or says.

We do not know why Tanya and Sean took drugs but it could have been because they knew people that did it or because they did not feel very happy about things. Once people start to take drugs it can be very difficult to stop and people just want more and more. Drugs are illegal which means they are against the law and the police and the Judges in the Courts can punish you if they find you taking them. The trouble is drugs can make you feel happy and forget all your worries for a while, but this feeling doesn't last very long.

Drugs are only legal if a Doctor gives them to you or you buy them in a chemist where the amount you have is controlled by someone who understands how they work. Bad drugs can make you very ill if a Doctor is not in charge of them. All you can think about is getting more of the drug. Drugs are expensive too. Drugs can make people do things that are not right, like stealing money to buy more of the drug and all people can care about is getting more of the drug.

When people use drugs they feel lots of different feelings. Sometimes they are happy sometimes sad, sometimes they are angry and sometimes worried. It is hard for children living with parents on drugs as they don't know what they are going to be like from one day to the next. They might get ignored or shouted at even if they have done nothing wrong. Taking drugs can be a bit like taking the wrong medicine that makes you ill instead of making you better. Drugs can stop a grown up being themselves and making the right choices. Drugs and alcohol did not help Tanya and Sean behave in a way that was safe for Carole and her brothers.

Sadly, things didn't change and Social Services were so worried about the children's safety that they went to the court. They asked the court to make a court order which would mean that the children would go to a foster care placement. This order (Care order) was made at court on 29th April 2014, Carl and Freddie went to live with foster carers. A foster carer is a person who children sometimes live with when it is not safe for them to be with their own family. Andrew and Edward were much older and went to live with Tanya's father Charlie Ranger. Carole was 16 at this time and did not want to go into foster care so she stayed with Tanya. Carole always worried about her mother and wanted to stay to make sure she was ok.

Carole met Steve Brown in September 2012. Carole has said that Steve was the “love of her life” meaning he was very special to her. Carole said that Steve was lovely and kind to her and made her very happy. Carole found out that she was pregnant with your brother Drew in December 2012. Carole and Steve tried to start a life together but Steve found Carole's family very hard to get on with. Her brother Andrew was very mean to him and Carole and one day Steve said that he couldn't be with Carole any more as he could not cope with being frightened by her family. They ended their relationship before Drew was born.

So you see George, when Carole (then aged 16) gave birth to Drew it was hard for her to think about how the things that she did would make him feel. She was not very good at imagining what children feel and how sad and frightened grown-ups can make them feel. She was too involved in her life to think enough about how other people's feelings. Because she was always worried about her mother she didn't think enough about how Drew was.

When grown-ups have children they have usually learn from their own parents how to be a good mummy or daddy. They often have family that help them and give them support. Carole had never seen her mother or father be good parents to her so she didn't know how to be a good mummy to Drew.

Social Services wanted to give Carole the opportunity to care for Drew so they arranged for Carole to live in a parent and child foster placement when he was born. It would not have been safe for Drew to live in Carole's home with Tanya because of the drugs and alcohol. It was explained to Carole that social services would need to do an assessment. An assessment is a way that social services consider how safe it is for children to live safely with their parents. They did this by gathering lots of information about Drew, Carole and her family.

Unfortunately Carole often left Drew with the foster carers Paul and Ali when she should have been looking after him. On the 13th October 2014 she said that she wanted to live with her mother to make sure she was ok, and left Drew with Paul and Ali. She knew she couldn't take him to her mother's home because it wasn't a safe place to live for children. Although it was sad for Drew that Carole didn't come back he was very happy being with Ali and Paul because they loved him very much too. Sometimes when grown-ups have too many worries in their lives they cannot think of the most important things like looking after their children and they make decisions they think are best. Carole knew that Paul and Ali would look after Drew properly and her worries about her mother were also very important to her.

Once Carole had left she did see Drew a couple of times. However, All Carole could think about was how much her mother needed her and she thought that Drew was ok because Paul and Ali were looking after him. Carole couldn't see that he was a baby and he needed to have his mummy around to give him cuddles and to look after him. Steve also came to see Drew a couple of times but he found it hard to see him and go to work as well. Steve realised that Drew needed a forever family and Carole could not look after him in a way that would keep him safe.

Carole and Steve went to court and agreed that it would be best for Drew to be adopted. Also Carole had a new boyfriend called Blake Stevens and was now pregnant with you George. Drew went to live with your mummy and daddy on the 25th July 2014 and they then became Drew's mummy and daddy. They knew that Carole was pregnant with you and said that if you were to be adopted, they would love to be your mummy and daddy too.

Blake Stevens, your birth father was born on the 11th May 1991 in Chatham. Blake has dark hair, blue eyes and a handsome face. Blake was very shy and nervous around people he didn't know and because of this some people would think that he was rude. However, I got to know Blake quite well and I liked him very much. I knew that he wasn't able to look after you but I also knew that he loved you and wanted the very best for you.

Most people who have children love and want to keep them. But love is not just a feeling - it is an action. True love is giving someone what they need to be happy and safe. We already know how many things babies need. If a parent loves a child in their heart but cannot give them what they need then their love is limited and may not be enough for a child.

Blake was raised mainly in the Sittingbourne area with his mum Lydia, dad Lennie, his sisters Maggie (25), Lydia (27), Roxy (16) and brothers Joe (20) and Colin (15). Blake comes from a Romany Gypsy background which is a type of travelling community. People from travelling backgrounds have their own beliefs and traditions and language. The Romany language is thought to have come from India a long time ago but it has changed over time depending on where people live. I put a picture of the Romany flag in your life story book. Some people say that the blue is for the heavens green is for the earth and the red is the 16 spoke wheel (Chakra) that is for the fire from which everything was created.

Blake had also had a social worker when he was little as social services were worried that he was being neglected by his mummy and daddy. Blake wasn't going to school and would sometimes get hurt in the home when he wasn't being looked after properly.

Blake and his brothers and sisters used to look after each other and have always been very close. Blake believes that it is very important that brothers grow up together and that is why he would later ask for you to live with Drew.

When Blake was 18 he met a woman called Susan Jones and when he was 19 his daughter (your half-sister) Ellie was born, two years later your half-brother Harry was born. Shortly after Blake and Susan separated and the children have always lived with Susan. Blake does see them occasionally. Susan now lives with Blake's brother Joe and they are expecting a baby together.

Blake then spent the next few years in relationships with different women and used to sleep on friends or family members sofas. Blake has never had a home of his own. Blake also used to smoke cannabis (which is a drug) and suffered with depression. Blake met Carole in the summer of 2013 but they didn't stay together for very long. Blake and Carole did not always get on very well and would often argue. They both agreed that it was better if they didn't have to see other and even now they don't speak to each other if they can help it.

When people use drugs they feel lots of different feelings. Sometimes they are happy sometimes sad, sometimes they are angry and sometimes worried. It is hard for children living with a birth daddy on drugs as they don't know what their birth daddy is going to be like. They might get ignored or shouted at even if they have done nothing wrong. Taking drugs can be a bit like taking the wrong medicine that makes you ill instead of making you better. Drugs can stop a grown up being themselves and making the right choices. Drugs did not help your birth daddy behave in a way that was safe for you.

Depression is something that grown-ups can get. People who are depressed often feel sad about their lives and don't have any energy. It can make people not want to get up in the mornings and they don't see the point in doing anything. Sometimes it stops people from wanting to talk to other people because they feel too sad to bother. It is nobody's fault but it is like an illness that just seems to happen to some people. There are many different reasons for it happening which the doctors who have seen your birth daddy understand best. Depression does not always last for ever and people can get better from it.

So you see George, Blake just wasn't well enough to look after you and so he asked that his sister Lydia have an assessment to see if she could care for you. Blake was very keen for you to stay in his family and then he would still get to see you. Carole also agreed that if you couldn't live with her then she would want you to live with Lydia. Social Services did an assessment on Lydia but felt that she already had a lot of responsibility looking after her three young children and would not have been able to give you the attention or care that you deserved. We didn't feel that this was a good plan for you George even though Lydia very much wanted to care for you.

Whilst Carole was pregnant with you George we were very worried about her health. Carole wasn't going to see the doctor when she should have, that meant that we didn't know whether you were growing properly or whether Carole was well. Carole was still living with Tanya. There were lots of arguments in the house and we were very worried that you would get hurt even though you were in Carole's tummy.

It is important that children have grown-ups to look after them who are reliable and children can trust them to look after them all of the time so they feel safe and happy. Unfortunately Carole was staying in a house where the adults were hurting each other, she was not eating properly or going to her health appointments whilst she was pregnant with you and this is called neglect. This meant that Carole wasn't thinking about how this may affect you or how you could be hurt even as an unborn baby.

Social Services were worried about your safety if you were to go home with Carole when you were born, so they went to the court to ask the court to make a court order. This meant that you would go to a foster care placement while Social Services did some assessments of Carole and Blake to see if they could care for you.

An Interim Care Order was made at court on 11 August 2014. You went to live with a foster carer named Sally Baker in Sheerness. A foster carer is a person whom children sometimes live with when it is not safe for them to be with their own family. Children usually stay in foster care until they can return to their family or another permanent family. You enjoyed your time with Sally because you used to go out to the park and the beach, when it was warm, and to lots of little playgroups. Sally took lots of photographs of your time with her and they are in your life story book.

Children usually stay in foster care until they can return to their family or another permanent family. Sally always said that you were such a good baby and very cuddly! I still see Sally and she always asks me how you are. She said that she will never forget the big smiles you used to give her.

I tried to help Carole find somewhere else to live with you but her worries about her mother were all she could think about and she didn't want to leave her. With all these worries she couldn't think about how she was going to look after you as well. Carole did love you very much but she could not be the parent that you needed her to be to keep you safe and happy, and this was because some of her problems got in the way of her doing what was right for you. Carole had lots of help and advice about how to be a better parent, but she just could not do it, but not because she didn't want to.

When children are in foster care when they are very young and it is not safe for them to go home to their birth family it is best for them to have a growing up family who would look after them until they are adults rather than stay in foster care for a long time. I knew this was best for you because even as I write this letter Carole still has the same worries and nothing has changed in her family.

Sometimes adults can change and learn new ways of coping with problems as they get older but if the problems are not sorted out they cannot change the way they look after their children. It was for these reasons that social services went to the Judge to ask for legal court orders to be made so that social services could find you a safe forever family.

Carole went to court and agreed that if you couldn't live with Lydia it would be best for you to be adopted. Carole asked that if you were to be adopted that you could live with Drew.

Children cannot wait for a long time for their parents to change how they behave, as they are growing quickly. It is the responsibility of social workers to make sure that all children are given the best chances possible to live happy, healthy, secure lives.

During the court proceedings you also had a guardian whose name was Robin Jenkins and Robin had to think about what was best for you. Robin was separate from social services and he had to tell the Judge what he thought was right for you. Robin agreed that Carole could not keep you safe throughout your childhood and that you could be kept safe by finding a forever family and being adopted by them.

The court agreed with social services and the guardian's views and they heard that Blake also wished for you to live with Drew if you couldn't live with Lydia. They did not feel that Carole and/or Blake could provide good enough care for you throughout your childhood. The Judge decided to grant a care order and placement order for you on 05th December 2014.

A Care Order means that Social Services decide where a child lives and how they are looked after and make decisions about what is best for them. A Placement Order means that Social Services could look for a growing up family for you which would be a family who would like to adopt you.

Carole and Blake had separate goodbye visits with you on the 11th December 2014. Harry, Ellie and both sets of your birth grandparents also came to this contact and there are photos of this in your life-story book. You stopped seeing Carole and Blake because you went to live with mummy, daddy and Drew. Carole met your mummy and daddy and thought that they would be perfect parents for you and Drew.

On the 17th December 2014 you went to live with mummy, daddy and Drew. They were all so excited and so looking forward to taking you home to be part of their family, and it wasn't long before you were very settled and happy. I used to visit you and you would sit with me and you always looked so happy and content. I remember thinking that it was so lovely that you would grow up with your big brother Drew.

On 28th April 2015 I went to court and an adoption order was granted. This meant that your mummy and daddy were now in charge of looking after you. After the adoption order was made you no longer needed a social worker, as you had your new mummy and daddy to grow up with, who would keep you safe and secure. You also have a life story book to help you understand the reasons why you were adopted.

I do hope this letter helps to explain the reasons why you were unable to stay with your birth family. Even though this letter provides quite a lot of information, you may, as you grow older, wish to explore your past further and look at your files held by social services. If, and when you do feel you want to do this, social services can be called upon to provide support with this. However, I know that the biggest support and help you will receive will be from your parents.

George, I hope this letter has helped to explain some things to you. It has been lovely to know you and watch you grow and develop from a new born baby into an almost one year old! I know that Drew is helping to teach you lots of new things and I know that you two will have so much fun together growing up.

As I write this letter I have known you now for nearly 12 months, in fact I first met you on the day you were born! During this time I have seen you grow from a very tiny baby into such a lovely, cute, special little boy. You always used to give me the biggest smiles even when you were really poorly. I have seen you grow up so much in the past year and have been lucky to have so many cuddles. I used to love visiting you George and seeing you with mummy, daddy and Drew made me feel very thankful that such a wonderful, special little boy has such a lovely family to grow up in. I really would like to wish you every success and happiness for your future.

Best wishes

Felicity Fabulous

7th September 2016

End